Building An Effective Relationships

In the Name of Allah,  the Most Gracious,  Most Merciful.

All the praise and thanks are due to Allah SWT, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

It is important in our daily life to build effective relationships with all the people around us.  Following are the most important principles that should be followed when building relationships with people are:

•      At the outset it is pertinent to correct your relationship with Allah the Almighty and Allah will then correct the relationship between yourself and others.

•      Studies have proved that every individual has his own unique pattern of understanding and that patterns are usually one of the following:

·          A visual pattern, i.e. one looks at the world and deals with it from a physical point of view.

•      A hearing pattern, i.e. one looks at the world and deals with it based on the words that one hears (one better understands by hearing).

•      An emotion-based pattern, i.e. one looks at the world through one’s emotions and inner feelings.

If you succeed in understanding how a particular individual perceives things (i.e., which pattern one emphasizes), then you can more easily achieve harmony and understanding between the two of you, as well as achieve confidence in your relationship.

•      Put yourself in the place of others and let them hear from you what you like to hear from them, and behave with them the way you like them to behave with you.

•      Always keep smiling, especially during difficult situations and incidents.

•      Keep your calm and self control when provoked.

•      Always be sensitive to feelings of others, their rights and their needs.

•      Be a Good Listener. Listening is an art. It is to listen patiently and never interrupt the speaker, as the Prophet SAW never interrupted a speaker until he ended his speech. In addition, he who fights for this merit gains others love and admiration, whilst on the contrary is the one who chatters and interrupts the other. Atta’ RA tells us about how he behaves concerning this merit and says, “When someone speaks to me, I listen to him as if it is the first time I have heard this subject, though I have heard it thousands of times before.”

•      Choose your right words carefully, especially during the first encounter. Be cheerful when speaking and beware of dull facial expressions and tough looks even if your words are very nice.

•      Choose the right atmosphere. When the atmosphere is not appropriate to talk about a particular subject, then it is better to end the talk about that subject in a courteous way and postpone it to a more appropriate time.

•      Adorn your conversation with humour and proverbs without making this overwhelming in your talk, and tell only the truth. This will induce an interactive discussion.

•      Offer gifts even if small ones and rush to help others even if in little ways, because these are means of winning hearts and of building relationships. It is related in Adab Al-Mufrad of Al-Bukhari that the Prophet may peace and blessing be upon him, said: “Give gifts as it will create love amongst you.”

•      Extend the Salam (Islamic greeting) and reply to a greeting with a better one. This is a key to winning others’ hearts, so be eager to own this key.

•     Keep your promises and be truthful in your talk. This will make others love you even when you cannot accomplish what they want.

•     Be generous within your means. Even whatever little that you may give will put you in a high position in the hearts of people. No one can win the hearts of others while he is described as stingy and not generous.

•      Be simple and spontaneous in dealing with others. Being organized in your life will make you win others’ respect, even that of your enemies.

•      Be presentable: clean in your body, mouth and clothing, be stylish without exaggeration, and put on a nice fragrance; all these will make others that are dealing with you more comfortable, instead of making them avoid you.

These principles can be applied under all circumstances and in all roles – at work, at home, with our husband or our wife, our father, our sons, our friends, or with strangers.



About Md Radzi Ahmad
A retired Malaysian civil servant. Served the Malaysian government for thirty-one years. Posted to London, Rangoon, Johannesburg, Pretoria and Bangkok. Born in Kampong Hutan Kandeh, Alor Star, Kedah. Educated at Sultan Abdul Hamid College, Alor Star and University of Malaya, Kuala Lumpur. Currently resides in Subang Jaya, Selangor Darul Ehsan,Malaysia.Blessed with three children, a son, two daughters, daughter in law and two grandaughters.

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